Friends, we're not going to pull any punches with this one. Right now, record heat is causing severe drought in many locations around the world. COVID is winding up for a second round of punch-the-humans. Wildfires are raging – your author's South Dakota home has been shrouded in smoke for the better part of a month – so honestly, why not embrace some ridiculous automotive tomfoolery before the apocalypse grabs another gear?
We also aren't pulling any punches with the Tesla fans. Honestly, if you clicked this article thinking any Tesla stands any chance in a tug-of-war with a tank, please put down the adult beverage and return to reality. Such vehicular showdowns are all about weight and traction, and while a Model X isn't exactly svelte at 2,495 kilograms (5,500 pounds), it's basically a cowboy hat compared to a 9,000 kg (20,000-pound) tank.
Technically speaking, the green machine in this clip from Dobre Cars isn't a tank, at least not in the traditional sense. It's called a CVRT, which stands for Combat Vehicle Reconnaissance Tracked. It's a UK-designed platform that's been used in military forces around the world for decades, and this one at least appears to be street-legal. The video opens with it cruising down a multi-lane highway surrounded by traffic, but honestly, it's not the strangest thing we've seen on the roads.
But you don't care about that. You care about watching a pseudo-tank absolutely destroy a Model X. The hosts of the video offer an ... interesting lead-up to the main event and yes, they actually tie the two vehicles together with rope to begin the challenge. That should be the real main event of this episode – how long can rope last with 11,000 kg (25,000 pounds) of Tesla and tank trying to pull it apart? The answer is not long. Really not long.
Fortunately, this pitfall was considered ahead of time and a steel cable was on-hand to give this tug-of-war a proper go. We don't know what engine powers the CVRT but we think it's an old Jaguar 4.2-litre inline-six. That was the engine used in early models, and this CVRT still wears prominent Jaguar branding. So really, you could say this contest is between a Model X and an old XJ6. The big Jag was basically a tank, right?
If you're wondering how much power the Tesla has, it doesn't matter. With 9,000 kg and two massive treads on the ground, all the CVRT needs to do is let off the brake. Actually, the driver does give it a bit of throttle while the Model X spins its wheels in vain. Victory goes to the CVRT, but does it have gullwing doors that flap? Hell no, it doesn't.
That being said, we now return you to your regularly scheduled apocalypse.