If you're a porch pirate reading this article, here's some free advice. Give up your miserable life of crime. Nabbing packages sitting outside peoples' front doors is pathetic and cowardly, and if a fake glitter-bomb bait package doesn't get you, your own stupidity will. That fate is made abundantly clear in this oh-so-satisfying dose of instant karma involving a dim-witted individual, a Toyota Yaris, and a teeny snowbank that foiled his scheme.
We have the folks at Reddit to thank for this gem, specifically a user named SuperDuperDylan who recently posted the video. This incident reportedly takes place in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto where apparently Canadian hospitality is alive and well. We say that because the person filming the incident offers plenty of friendly advice for the would-be thief, though as the Reddit thread mentions, some well-executed passive-aggressive quips are surely at play here. After all, the person with the camera offers to get a shovel for the stranded man, but doesn't actually get one.
Why would this alleged thief need a shovel? After getting surprised by the homeowner while nicking the package, the masked man drops the goods and jogs back to his Yaris, idling in the driveway with the door open. He tosses the little hatchback into reverse and in his haste to escape, backs into a small pile of snow instead of the street. It was just enough to high-centre the Yaris, lifting the front wheels off the ground where all they could do was spin.
Honestly, you almost feel a bit sorry for this lost soul as he desperately tries to free his car from the bank. And for what? For all anyone knows, his cardboard-boxed booty could've been a package of diapers and wet wipes. It ultimately doesn't matter, because the clip makes an abrupt jump cut to show the snow-beached Yaris surrounded by police cars as the porch pirate is taken into custody.
The video ends there, leaving us conflicted with a satisfying dose of instant karma and unquenched thirst over what was in the box that led to this fiasco. Our own ironic sense of humour likes to think it was a collapsible emergency shovel for digging out of tight spots.