Renault EZ-GO
If you were going to play motor show bingo, the EZ-GO would give you an instant cry of 'House!' – the autonomous ride-sharing zero-emission electric mobility vision is a perfect storm of concept car themes.
Sadly the end result from Renault is a vision of the future that looks like a cross between the Heathrow Terminal 5 car park pods and a smoking shelter.
BMW X7 concept
BMW's huge X7 concept car is literally being rolled out for successive motor shows, a dystopian vision of a future where houses have been put on wheels and we just drive aimlessly around, to scared to turn down side streets in case we get stuck.
Slice off the front and rear lights and the signature kidney grille of this design study and you'd have no idea this behemoth was even a BMW. We'll get to see the final production version of the car in November, so hopefully it will be a bit better. It probably won't.
Bentley's designer plug socket
Now, the silver and maroon two-tone paint job isn't really to our taste, but when did taste and a new Bentley ever have anything in common? We would applaud any Bentayga buyer who made a concerted stab at going green by purchasing the plug-in hybrid version of the huge SUV.
No, what we have issue with is the Philippe Starck-designed expensive copper plug socket. It'll charge up your Bentley in 2.5 hours – not necessarily any quicker than the competition, but much more stylishly. Bentley hasn't said how much this little garage vajazzle will cost, but we can imagine it will be a substantial sum.
The new Stratos
The new Stratos isn't really a proper Stratos, because it isn't made by Lancia. But it's a lovely attempt at what it would look like if small Italian sports cars went to fancy dress parties.
But – and you have to question the judgment of the company behind the new car, Manifattura Automobili Torino – why would you put it next to the actually really cool old Stratos? It makes the reinterpretation look like a platypus in a leather jacket.
Range Rover SV Coupe
It's all a bit meh, isn't it? A dog whistle to nostalgic drivers with lots of money, but it's essentially just a Range Rover with less door.
A Range Rover, but wildly less practical.
A Range Rover, but slightly more expensive.
Jaguar Land Rover said with the creation of its Special Vehicle Operations department that it wanted to put the tuners and modifiers out of business. And if you can't beat them, we suppose you have to join them.
Eadon Green Zeclat
The Zeclat is supposed to be an homage to the streamlined efforts of the 1930s, built back in the heights of the Art Deco cruise liner era, but the British coachbuilder Eadon Green has inadvertently paid tribute to the TVRs of the late 1990s with this retro-tastic flip paint.
Stubbornly awful from every angle, the Zeclat looks like a Maltese terrier squeezing through a cat flap and uses a Corvette C7 as a base car to ensure...well, we're not sure what exactly.
Mansory Porsche
Mansory really does plough its own furrow – we're desperately uncertain who might actually be buying cars like this, but every year the cheeky tuning company turns up at Geneva with a fistful of offensively styled supercars with the latest in overly expensive accoutrements.
Take this Porsche Panamera Sport Turismo, for example. No seriously, take it somewhere, and perhaps just leave it there.
Mansory Rolls-Royce
Colin Chapman's motto at Lotus was 'Just add lightness', but it seems someone at Mansory misheard and thought it was 'just add frightness'. Or something.
The real trend among the criminally tasteless at the Geneva show this year was to liberally splash carbonfibre trim across cars inappropriately suited to the measure – like this Rolls-Royce Phantom, a car that usually communicates the owner's elegance and stylish, laid-back filthy richness.
Other Mansory special touches include slammed suspension and a front spoiler that looks like an access ladder.
Basically everything on the Mansory stand
By far the worst effort on the stand was this Bugatti Veyron – the million-pound hypercar has been humiliated by a body finish that looks like it's been made out of Ikea's laminate kitchen worktop.
Of course, if you can afford to restore the car to the way that nature intended, this could be the cheapest way into Veyron ownership in six months' time.
This sports car
We don't necessarily have anything against this car particularly – we're sure that the Italdesign Zerouno Duerta rings its mother every week and gives to charity, but it's symbolic of a raft of terrible cars that Geneva's Palexpo is awash with every year.
There were half a dozen hypercars at the 2018 show with diffusers that looked like prolapses, using up carbonfibre as if it was going out of fashion. Ironically, it probably now is.
Duerta certainly ticks all of the hypercar boxes – it produces 601bhp from its 5.2-litre V10 and has a seven-speed dual-clutch transmission. Italdesign says it can go at 199mph and just five of the £2m cars will be built. It's just a little anonymous, in an in-your-face kind of way.
Just look at it
We've really saved the best for last here. The Sin S1 – and it truly is a sin – is a £36,000 sports car that's being marketed by its Bulgarian maker as an affordable modular car.
It's a good job really, because the first thing you'll want to do is change everything.
It looks like the clay for the full-size model was put through a spaghetti maker and they didn't have time to redo the styling.
It's like someone took a pedal boat from the little pond at Hyde Park and stuck on wheels and an engine. Come in number nine, your time is up.
Literally the worst
OH GOOD GRIEF IT'S ASYMMETRICAL.
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